Tag Archive: work


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The pressure builds, yesterday my manager said I’m not meeting the targets, today he hassles me for an email that has been posted, but hasn’t arrived. I struggle to put together my training session ready for tomorrow, trying to work out what to include and leave out, without clear guidance on what he wants. Suddenly I decide to check if he has a projector and laptop arranged. I ring him up – you haven’t ordered one…what, who does training without a PowerPoint presentation, projected on a screen. Obviously we come from different generations. The tears start to fall. I get off the phone and text an old colleague –  I wish you were here still for a coffee, not coping today. The colleague next to me suggests I go for a walk, get some fresh air. I’m in no state to return to my presentation. I walk round the building, discover a green space I never knew, a bench in the sunshine. I ring some friends until someone picks up. I don’t want to dump my loser self on others, yet I know I need to hear that friendly voice. Half an hour later I get off the phone, the tears still fall, and my nose is running. At least I now see why this has been triggered, by speaking it out, I discover I have too much on my plate this week and I’m tired, not just the work stuff but a talk for church to write and a report for the members newsletter. I change my task for a while, praying God help me through the day, as my friend suggested. I get through the day, get home, and curl up in bed with a trashy book…

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Joining with Lisa Jo Baker

5minutefriday

 

Drowning not floating!

Checking in 15/02/2013 0351

I’m spiralling, I can feel it. My chest hurts, I’m in tears, I’m drowning in caseload at work. I can’t sleep. I can’t cope. I don’t know how to halt the descent. Everything is overwhelming. Life is too hard. Why must I struggle on. Where is hope. 

Eventually at 0600 I finally fall asleep.

What am I doing wrong, why am I struggling, am I not managing my time appropriately, am I working too slowly??? Finally it clicked, with annual leave and being unwell, Instead of doing a 30 hour week, I’ve done a 30 hour fortnight, of course I’m struggling with the same caseload in half the time, of course I’m going to struggle to manage if I’ve only had 3.5 hours office time in a whole week to stay on top of the admin.

Suddenly I stop sinking further, it’s not my fault, I’m still submerged, but at least I can’t sink any further. With the right help and support from my team all will be well…now just to see if we are a team…or a number of rivals each protecting their own territory.