Tag Archive: singleness


I write this blog from a train…in-between home and home. My flat, my space, my sanctuary, rented, small, just a studio, but all mine. My parents home – the place that has remained constant for the last 21 years, full of memories, family, growing up.

A few years ago my friends would tell me off when I said i was heading home…you are home they would say…

But home in one sense talks of permanence, putting down roots, being part of the community, part of the furniture. Partners, children, jobs give permanence.

Where does that leave me…a singleton, no kids, a temporary job? In between being a child but not yet a mother or on a career path. Trusting God to lead me step by step through life, no plans, the plans I once had in tatters.

I guess for me i just have to learn to embrace home as being in the place that God has called me for this season, no longer in between homes, but at home where He is.

I often feel alone simply as I haven’t yet created a family of my own – no husband to face the world with, no nuclear family of my own. It feels like intruding on couple and family time when you visit people in that stage of life.

Well anyway, my favourite day of the week is sunday, I get to go to church and be part of my church family, not just an individual on my own. The sad part is the walk home again to spend the rest of the day with my own company. Well this sunday was different.

I was invited for sunday lunch with a family. The wife invited me in the week.  My negative thinking thought they’d forget of cancel. Before I could ask at church, the dad asked me if I was still coming and later the eldest daughter came to say I was coming and they were looking forward to it. The girls were 9, 7 and 3 and had all been excited I was coming. The mum popped home to sort dinner, the dad dropped an elderly lady home and I had the privilege of walking home with the girls.

When I arrived, I was offered a choice of games by the 7-year-old – cluedo. snakes and ladders, guess who. We played guess who and the mum and I lamented the way the game had been redesigned since our childhood (she’s probably 10 years older than me, but still). How can they do guess who with animals. Maria my favourite was still on the people version. Snakes and Ladders was then on offer, but the dad let me escape to the kitchen for a natter with the mum, while he watched Pollyanna with the kids.

We had a sunday roast with roast chicken, roast potatoes, roast parsnips, yorkshire puddings, carrots. cabbage and lots of gravy. Yum yum. Seconds were available. I had an extra taste of chicken, a roast potato and a yorkshire pudding with the last bit of gravy. Yum.

They then decided that exercise was needed prior to any pudding so got bikes and helmets out ready for a trip to the park. I was feeling tired but loving it. The mum decided to check I was up for a trip to the park. Admitting I was tired, she let me have a snooze on the sofa, even providing me with a blanket and cautioning me not to get cold!

Once they got back we watched the rest of Pollyanna. We had ice cream cones for pudding and we all got the families traditional version with smarties hidden in the cone and a few sprinkled on top.

We then played – I went to the shops… and hangman. Even the 3-year-old had a go…but not convinced her one was a real word!! Was so impressed the way the other 2 used a dictionary to choose their words and check the spelling.

Daughter 2 then asked if I was staying for tea, I was offer toast and apple. Had a slice of apple and a cup of tea before heading to church prayer with the day. The girls were a bit gutted I wasn’t sleeping over!!

I had a wonderful day, wasn’t alone, almost wasn’t a guest, allowed to make myself at home. Each member of the family made me so welcome. I was so very blessed and hope I get a repeat visit. On saying thanks again to the dad after prayers, he said they wanted me to always feel welcome, and able to pop round if I needed to.

Thank you God so much for families like this one. Bless them and keep them. May they be storing amazing riches in heaven for their awesome hospitality.

Single and alone

I am single. I have to look after myself. No one to fall back on – husband, parents, siblings. As a single adult you’re out in the world on your own, with only the mercy of others to fall back on. As a single adult people may choose to support you and stand with you, but no one is obliged to. You’re on your own. Crippled by depression, you have to make your own way, organise your time, feed, wash and clothe yourself. Access services, push through paperwork. Alone.

Yet the bible says in Psalm 68:6 that, ‘the Lord sets the lonely in families.’

Is it not fair therefore to imagine that the church will act as family to those who are alone, struggling with depression or other chronic health conditions? A quick telephone call, email or text, an invitation for dinner, a small group or coffee morning. A hug at church and a genuine ‘ how are you this week?’

So often the church sees the singles as the worker bees. With no family, no responsibilities to others, they can focus fully on serving God. (1 Corinthians 7) Something needs doing…ask a singleton. Yet what happens when the singleton becomes unwell and burnt out…they’re just invisible. No one notices when they’re not there. No one misses them enough even to text.

I guess now is the time to come clean as to why a rant. A new city, a new church. So big…I’m invisible. No one notices me. No one talks to me…except those I once knew years ago.

I visit the church’s community project to ask for support. I don’t fall into their target groups. No you can’t pop in even for a coffee – that’s only for people over 70 and we’re strict on that. You’re young, you’ll manage. You’re not important to us… We can’t support you but for support from the church itself…sorry we can’t help…you need to talk direct to them, not us the community face of the church. You need to talk to so and so after a service.

I email the church. A week passes. I finally get a reply. No we don’t do pastoral care. The new peoples course isn’t running til autumn (6 months!) but Mr so and so said for you to introduce yourself to him at a service…oh and fill out the attached application form to join a small group so we can allocate you to one.

It’s a huge church. I’m depressed. Only 2 weeks ago I cried myself through the service, stubbornly not letting myself walk out into the darkness. Yet I’m meant to find this man. I”m meant to pluck up the confidence to talk to him, introduce myself, tell my story at the end of a busy church service.

So I sit and type this…single and alone.