Today started with hitting the alarm lots of times; then dragging myself out of bed. I went home to my parents at the weekend, and felt well, now I feel so very tired. I have an appointment at the hospital at 11am every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for phototherapy for my eczema. It’s the first time I’ve been offered this treatment, and while I can’t see improvement, lots of people have been commenting my skin looks better.  There’s a bit of a delay today as several of us arrive at once. I finish reading my book on nursing in the 1950’s. It’s only taken me around 2 months! I lost the ability to read this time last year… I am slowly regaining the ability. I know the main nurses in phototherapy, but 1 seems to be away. Another nurse says to me hello my name is__ I’m covering for __. I’m impressed. It does make a difference and I know there has been a campaign to get staff in healthcare to introduce themselves.

I get home, eat a salad, have a cafetiere of coffee and try to get my computer to see my printer. It won’t see my printer since I got Windows 10. Then drive to park to meet the other ladies from my church small group and their kids. I perch on a bench and hold babies as handed to me. I feel quite left out, the only childless, unmarried one there. I try to be friendly, but feel excluded by the conversation about weaning and horrified at the behaviour of some of the children. By the time everyone leaves I need the loo. I walk with my friend, and then have to walk back to my car. It feels a really long walk…but then they claim exercise is good for you!! I feel exhausted. My friend comments that I always psych myself up for a visit to my parents behave normally there, then return exhausted and with a dip in mood, but then bounce back. She says I can pop in for dinner tomorrow, which is amazing as I’ve been on ready meals since getting back from parents. My ability to plan and prepare meals is always a great indication of my mental health.

From there I drive to church to pray for our Sunday school with some others. I feel like a bible verse comes to mind and that God gives me a picture of a toolbox and that he will equip the leaders for ‘every good work’. Spiritual life and mental health don’t always go together; I had a psychologist in the past who I had to convince every week that I wasn’t delusional just cos I had a faith.

Once home I tidy the flat and heat up the left over ready meal. I see missed calls on my phone and a text…apparently I arranged to meet my friend for dinner but I didn’t write it in my diary and I forgot .  Feel really bad about letting my friend down. Thankfully she is fine with me and we rearrange. I have invited people over to do a ‘creative bible study’. Last time no one turned up and I felt a bit lousy. Today 1 person comes. We create art and discuss it before praying together.

Then I get on twitter. I’m the curator of the @mh_voices account this week. It’s time to start the #mhteaparty. We gather to drink tea and see how the day has gone.

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