Checking in 15/02/2013 0351

I’m spiralling, I can feel it. My chest hurts, I’m in tears, I’m drowning in caseload at work. I can’t sleep. I can’t cope. I don’t know how to halt the descent. Everything is overwhelming. Life is too hard. Why must I struggle on. Where is hope. 

Eventually at 0600 I finally fall asleep.

What am I doing wrong, why am I struggling, am I not managing my time appropriately, am I working too slowly??? Finally it clicked, with annual leave and being unwell, Instead of doing a 30 hour week, I’ve done a 30 hour fortnight, of course I’m struggling with the same caseload in half the time, of course I’m going to struggle to manage if I’ve only had 3.5 hours office time in a whole week to stay on top of the admin.

Suddenly I stop sinking further, it’s not my fault, I’m still submerged, but at least I can’t sink any further. With the right help and support from my team all will be well…now just to see if we are a team…or a number of rivals each protecting their own territory.

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